I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
