There was a lot of him and a little penis
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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