In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
