another moral hangover. fuck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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