'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
