Your dad touched me again.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
