morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
