Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
