dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
