i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
