I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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