I accidentally had phone sex last night
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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