singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
