Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
