He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
