I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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