Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
