I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Non-Jews are for practice
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
