i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
