I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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