I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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