Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
where does the pee come out of this thing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
