He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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