She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
