This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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