if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
