Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
