so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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