The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
