Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
