He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
