And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
