I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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