thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
