I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
