my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
