I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize