We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
