WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
