is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
