you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
