There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
