i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
