Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have peed in a lot of sinks
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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