His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
