So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the day after is always just damage control
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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