i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
