Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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