He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
