I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You are a genius and a whore.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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