mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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