she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
