Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
