so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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