Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
