distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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