He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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