Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
