Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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