You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My life is pants optional.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
