I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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