Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
zippers are such a cool invention
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
