I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
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I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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