If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
