Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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