the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
