It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
