Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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