so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
