You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
