She is in my trunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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