shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
