ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
