I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
