i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
